Last updated on September 1, 2023 by Roger Kaufman
Sometimes we just need a little humor in our lives.
Here are some great funny sayings short and sweet.
A funny saying makes you smile or laugh out loud.
These are some of my favorites.
“I’m too old for this shit!”
“You don’t have to be good; It’s better to be bad than to be boring.”
“If I had to live my life over again, I would be less Time Spending time worrying about what other people think and spending more time worrying about what they think of me.”
“It’s not about who you know, but who knows you.”
Funny sayings short and sweet
The art of creative thinking is to give the ordinary things in life a sparkling and unusual twist.
Here are some playful thoughts and humorous insights that will put everyday life in a whole new light:
"A day without laughter is a day without sunshine in my pocket.”
“My memory is so good that I have forgotten how to forget!”
“I’m not late, the time is just premature.”
"If cats take over the world, remind me to avoid mouse costumes.”
“Imagine it’s Monday and no one’s going.”
“My batteries aren’t draining, they’re just taking a siesta.”
“Why normal water when it can bubble like my character?”
“Sometimes I feel like a microwave – hot but dangerous if left in too long.”
“I’m not a bookworm, I’m a book dragon!”
“If thoughts burned calories, I would be a supermodel!”
“I’m not lost, I’m on an extended journey of discovery.”
“In my head it’s carnival every day!”
“My superpower? Endless curiosity!”
“Shoes can’t change my life, but they can brighten up my day!”
“Crazy is just a matter of perspective. In my world I’m completely normal!”
10 funny sayings short and sweet
“A good friend is someone who knows when to be silent and when to say something.”
“I'm not afraid of tomorrow because I today I have friends like you.”
“You don’t have to be crazy to live in San Francisco, but it helps.”
“It is better to be hated for who you are than for what you are geliebter to become what you are not.”
We're all going to die, so why bother other worries do?
“Don’t cry over spilled milk; There’s a lot more where that came from.”
“When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.”
“There is no such thing as a free lunch.”
“No matter how bad things look right now, you will look up and smile at yourself later.”
“Life isn’t always fair, but it’s still worth living.”
22 short funny quotes
“Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends.” –Henry Louis Mencken
“The man carries the years in his bones, the woman on her face.” - Unknown
“The advantage of being clever is that you can act stupid. The opposite is more difficult." – Kurt Tucholsky
“Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society.” - Mark Twain
“If you think you’re too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito in the room.” - Dalai Lama
“Even the obsessed vegetarians don’t like to bite the dust.” – Joachim Ringelnatz
“Laughing at your own mistakes can prolong life. Laughing at other people’s mistakes can shorten it.” – Cullen Hightower
“Humor is one of the best clothes you can wear in society.” - William Shakespeare
“I haven't spoken to my partner in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.”
–Rodney Dangerfield
“I walk like everything is fine, but deep down in my shoes my sock slips.” - Unknown
“My mom always said, the older you get, the better you get, unless you’re a banana.”
- Rose
“My mom says alligators are evil because they have all their teeth and no toothbrush.” – Bobby Bouche
“Common sense is like deodorant. People who need it most never use it.” - Unknown
“You become an adult the day you laugh at yourself for the first time.” – Ethel Barrymore
Here are some recommendations: When interviewing, say that you are willing to give 110 percent. Unless the job is a statistician. – Adam Gropmann
“If you want to be sure you never forget your wife’s birthday, just forget it once.” –Aldo Cammarota
“I thought Europe was one country.” –Kelly Pickler
“I have very simple tastes: I am always satisfied with the best.” - Oscar Wilde
"I never really feel lonelier than when I'm trying to put sunscreen on my back." –Jimmy Kimmel
“The elevator to success is out of order. You have to take the stairs, one step at a time.” – Joe Girard
“I saw a study that claimed that speaking in front of a group is considered the average person's primary fear. The second was death. What this means to the average person is that if you have to be at a funeral service, you would rather lie in the casket than give the eulogy.” –Jerry Seinfeld
"There's only one problem harder than making friends: getting rid of them." - Mark Twain
10 funny sayings for WhatsApp
Sometimes we just need a small standee.
This funny sayings are perfect when you're feeling down.
“You’re never too old to be silly.”
“I’m not afraid to die because I’ll be dead.”
“A little knowledge is a dangerous thing.”
“It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.”
“Don’t cry over spilled milk.”
“Never look back on life; only forward.”
“There are two things you never do life should do: Sit around and wait or go out and shop.”
“When you're young, you think you'll live forever. As you get older you realize you won’t.”
“Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end, the faster it goes.”
“We don’t stop playing because we or become; We grow old because we stop playing.”
16 Friendship WhatsApp – Funny sayings short and sweet
16 Friendship WhatsApp – Beautiful sayings to send on WhatsApp.
WhatsApp is an instant messaging app that allows users to send text messages, photos, videos, voice notes, documents, links, contact information, location data and others Types of files you can send.
It also offers group chats that allow multiple people to communicate at the same time. Relationships develop in different ways, but all good friends try to find the same goal: a source of of Love and to be encouragement.
The Sending a message on WhatsApp is simple, but sometimes we forget to send a meaningful message.
Source: Best sayings and quotes
Short funny sayings and jokes
Did you know that a good sense of humor is essential when it comes to social interaction?
A perfectly executed joke, said at the right time and in the right place, can turn an unpleasant situation into a pleasant one.
“It can get you out of a slump, people who lack humor can't do that.”
“So it’s safe to say that a sense of humor can help you be successful in anything you do in life.”
“One thing you have to remember though; If you want to be funny, make sure you’re really funny.”
“A person with a great sense of humor is also much more likeable.”
“How can you not like someone who makes you... bring laughter can?"
“People who enjoy making others laugh are known to be more detail-oriented.”
“Because to be funny, certain details have to be delivered perfectly.”
Since not all of us are blessed with the ability to nail a joke, I thought of helping you out by gathering these short funny quotes and jokes for you.
You can write them down and use them whenever you attend a social event or to share with your friends online.
Enjoy!
- What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant? Swimming trunks.
- What is the best thing about Switzerland? I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.
- Leave yours best friends never get lonely, keep disturbing her.
- What is the tallest building in the entire world? The library because it has so many stories.
- You want to know who I'm in love with? Read the first word again.
- Yes, of course, I'm sporty, I surf the Internet every day.
- Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain with you.
- A best friend is like a four-leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have.
- When the past knocks, don't answer. It has nothing new to say to you.
- I can't sleep at night. I can't get up in the morning.
10 Unique Quotes That Richly Reward Your Life (Video)
“If we tell people that the brain is an app, maybe they will start using it.”
“I don’t need a hairdresser, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.”
“What do computers eat for a snack? Microchips.”
“What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.”
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? There are no breasts Eyes.
“I always carry a knife in my purse just in case we eat cake.”
“If we aren’t supposed to eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge?”
“Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.”
“My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it.”
10 short funny quotes and sayings (video)
“When life closes a door, just open it again. It’s a door, that’s how they work.”
“Don’t give up on your dreams so easily, sleep longer.”
“Doing nothing is hard, you never know when you’re done.”
“All my life I thought the air was free until I bought a bag of chips.”
“I don’t know how to act at my age because I’ve never been this old before.”
“Yesterday I did nothing and today I finish what I did yesterday.”
“I wonder, do we lazy people go to heaven or do they send someone to pick us up?”
“The only relationship I have is with my WiFi. We have a connection.”
“I'm not lazy, I'm just very relaxed.”
“The great joy in life is doing what people say you can’t do.” – Walter Bagehot
43 Clearly Ambiguous Sayings (Video)
“If you think no one cares if you’re alive, try missing a few car payments.” –Flip Wilson
“I bet giraffes don’t even know what farts smell like.” – Bill Murray
“If people talk behind your back, be happy you’re in front.”
“I live in a neighborhood so bad you can get shot while being shot.” –Chris Rock
“Sometimes I wish I was an octopus so I could hit eight people at the same time.”
“If you’re hotter than me, then that means I’m cooler than you.”
“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.” – George Burns
“I have Alzheimer's bulimia, at first I eat everything in sight and then I forget to puke.” “– Cindy from Marzahn
“Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.” – Lily Tomlin
“If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blanket back to your side.” – Stuart Turner
"My goal this weekend is to move, just enough so people don't think I'm dead."
“People say you can’t live without love, but I think oxygen is more important.”
“You can stop driving me crazy, I can walk from here.”
“What do I do for a living? I breathe in and out.”
“Why do they call it beauty sleep when you wake up looking terrible?”
“I’m eating cake because it’s someone’s birthday today.”
“Why is Monday so far from Friday and Friday so close to Monday?”
“My boss is like a baby, cries and wakes me up every half hour.”
“I didn’t trip and fall. Yours truly has hit the ground and I believe I’m winning.”
“Give me a photo of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas.”
22 Life Sayings Humor (Video)
“If you fall, I will be there to catch you with love. Kind regards, the floor.”
“Today I laughed until my abs started to hurt so I could skip the gym.”
“Every day is a gift, that’s why they call it the present.”
“We all have baggage, find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack it.”
“Stop texting me in the middle of texting, now I have to change my text.”
“Sorry, I didn’t pick up my phone, I got carried away dancing to the ringtone.”
“Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I pass it by again?”
“Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing.”
“The biggest struggle of life: I have to pee, but I don’t want to get out of bed.”
“If you want your children to listen, try speaking quietly to someone else.” –Ann Landers
“I could agree with you, but then we would both be wrong.”
“Some people are like clouds. When they go away, it’s a brighter day.”
“Women and cats will do whatever they want, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.” – Robert A. Heinlein
“My wallet is like an onion, when I open it I cry.”
“Don’t make me laugh, I’m trying to be mad at you.”
“Silence is golden, unless you have children, then silence is just suspicious.”
“Friends buy you food. Best friends eat your food.”
“My six-pack is protected by a layer of fat.”
“My windows are not dirty, my dog is painting.”
22 funny words of wisdom
“When you have crazy friends, you have everything you will ever need.”
“I don’t run away from hard work, I’m too lazy to run.”
“If I won the laziness prize, I would send someone to collect it for me.”
“I do not suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.”
“Why can’t you play cards on a small boat? Because there’s always someone sitting on the deck.”
“If only common sense were more common.”
“I should really do something with my life, maybe tomorrow.”
“We will be best forever Friends "Besides, you already know too much."
“You know you’re lazy when you get upset about canceling your plans.”
“I’m not lazy, I’m in energy saving mode.”
“My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I have forgotten.”
“Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math.”
“I only love my job when I’m on vacation.”
“Relax, it’s the weekend, just don’t blink or it’ll all be over.”
“I didn’t fall, I’m just spending some time on the ground.”
“A mind is like a parachute. It doesn’t work if it’s not open.”
“I know I’m intelligent because I know I don’t know anything.” – Socrates
The only power you have is the word “no.” – Frances McDormand
“I said no to drugs, but they just wouldn’t listen.”
“I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile. I tried, but they wanted cash.”
21 funny coffee sayings (video)
“My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them.”
“Waiting for the movie to start to eat your popcorn is the hardest thing in the world.”
“I hate Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and half of Friday.”
“Who says nothing is impossible? I haven’t done anything for years.”
“I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.”
"Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
“Don’t worry, the spider is smaller than you. Yes, that’s what a grenade is like.”
“If Monday had a face, I would punch it.”
“Everyone wants to go to heaven; but no one wants to die.” – Albert King
“The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.” - Albert Einstein
Stress funny sayings work - humorous quotes
You're stressed because you have too much to do.
But what if there was an easy way to relieve stress?
It's not just about being busy; it's also about being productive.
When you feel overwhelmed, it's hard to focus on anything else. So why not try some funny workplace jokes instead?
Says the boss
If your boss has ever told you to “just relax,” then you know how stressful work can be.
And when you're stressed, it's harder to do your job well. That's why it's so important to find ways to Stress at work to dismantle.
Says the colleague
- “I’m sorry it took me so long to order.”
- “It didn’t take you long at all!”
- “I was just waiting for my coffee to cool down.”
- “I’ll pay you back as soon as I can.”
- “I’m really sorry, but I forgot to bring my checkbook today.”
- “I’m sure we can work something out.”
- “I’m sorry, but I have to go now.”
- “I’m afraid I can’t.”
- “I’m very sorry, but I have to leave immediately.”
Says the intern – funny sayings short and sweet
It's easy to feel stressed when you're trying to meet deadlines or keep up with projects.
But Humour can help you stay focused and relaxed.
Says the manager – funny sayings short and sweet
“I will give you a task today. I want you to come up with 17 stressful and humorous workplace jokes.”
“Don’t stress, better days are coming. They are called Friday, Saturday and also Sunday.” - Unknown
“What the world really needs is more of Love and a lot less paperwork.” –Pearl Bailey
“This too shall pass. It may pass like a kidney stone, but it will pass.” - Unknown
“Some days the most effective thing about the job is that the chair turns.” - Unknown
“My favorite childhood memory is not having to spend 40 hours a week with people who make me feel upset and exhausted to make sure I can afford to buy paper towels and laundry detergent.” - Unknown
“Stress and anxiety don’t go with my clothes.” - Unknown
“Resting is such a luxury that I can’t afford.” – Robin Sikarwar
“If everyday life is a gift, I want to understand where I can return to on Mondays.” – John wagner
“Nobody runs ahead of their time – unless the person in charge leaves early.” – Groucho Max
“There can be no serious crisis next week. My schedule is full at the moment.” - Henry Kissinger
30 stress funny sayings work video
“Mondays are the start of the work week, providing new beginnings 52 times a year.” – David Dweck
“In some cases we can focus so much on absolutely nothing that we make a big something out of absolutely nothing.” –Ricky Maye
“As I got older and wiser, I discovered that there are 6 things I really like about my job. Payday, lunchtime, after work, vacation time, holidays and natural retirement.” – Tom Goins
“The most effective part of being most likely to work is returning home at the end of the day.” - Unknown
“If stress burned calories, I would be a supermodel.” - Unknown
"One of main reasons for your 'no' is that you need your time off so you don't act like an idiot because you're diminished. And you don't want to be fighting an appetite that's heightened by fear of overexertion. But this is your key, others don't need this information. So just smile, say no, thank you and move on.” – Holly Mosier
“I always try to give my all at work, but my manager always finds me and brings me back.” - Unknown
Funny words of wisdom – 25 funny words of wisdom to make you smile
Source: Best sayings and quotes
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This quote is very funny “I don't need a hairdresser, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.”. Thank you for this contribution!